(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the word editorial on it)
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of “In Defense Of…” (Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words “In Defense Of…” appear to the left of James then cutting back to James)
TLOTA: Remember in my “Top thirteen vampire films better than “The Twilight Saga” list” that “The Lost Boys” is proof positive that a Blind hunting dog with a missing leg can get it’s quarry and get a mate for Joel Schumacher. Well for me personally I’ve found the movie that is the Blind hunting dog with a missing leg can get it’s quarry and get a mate for someone who must never, EVER have anything to do with filmmaking. I am of course talking about Michael Bay. (Cut to images of Michael Bay while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): Now I am fully aware that I will never, EVER defend everything about Michael Bay. As a film maker His films are pretty much formulaic and to say Adult movies have more substance is accurate and if there is a hell you can bet Michael Bay will be going there and be hearing, reading & seeing all the mistakes critics & fans have pointed out in his movies for all eternity! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But if I hate him why is there at least one of his movies that I can tolerate? Well, believe it or not before he was the director EVERYONE loved to see sacrificed to the ancient gods of Cinema he made some decent films. For some people who’ll admit they like one movie from Michael Bay it’ll be either one of his remakes of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “Friday The 13th” or “A Nightmare on Elm Street” or “The Rock” or one of the two “Bad Boys” movies. But me personally the one movie I like from Michael Bay is “Armageddon” (Cut to opening credit to of “Armageddon” while “Don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith plays in the background of clips from “Armageddon” as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): Now believe it or not I DIDN’T like it before I saw it but after watching it, I found myself enjoying it but why is that? Well first off, I can say that this was before he decided that angles found in the Adult movie section were great for mainstream movies and before every scene that wasn’t using those angles were scenes of everything being blown off the map and there was actual story, characters & reasons for the explosions. There was actual reason as to why this movie is so great let me explain why I like “Armageddon”. First off, the cast was amazing, a million times better than “Deep Impact” a movie similar to “Armageddon” I loved about this how Bruce Willis acted in this movie and how Bruce handled things as his character especially when he discovers his daughter played by Liv Tyler having hooked up with Ben Affleck. Trust me when I say the reaction he had was genuine, probably the reaction I’d have. In addition, the humor I felt while unintentional was decent. The fact they casted Steve Buscemi as someone who was a genius who decided to drill for oil because the money was good, the locations change constantly and they allow him to use explosives was a sign the guy’s engine wasn’t firing on all cylinders. But I have to mention the score by Harry Gregson-Williams & Trevor Rabin was magnificent while Aerosmith’s “I don’t wanna miss a thing” was a great song for me to listen to I loved the orchestral music more so. Plus Ben Affleck wasn’t as bad in this as he was in “Pearl Harbor” let’s just say Anything the “Nostalgia Critic” complained about him and Bay in his “Pearl Harbor” review is justified. But not everything was great about there were signs of what would be how Michael Bay would make movies and what would become formulaic and what would get scrapped. I kid you not the only reason ONLY reason I think Bruce Willis saved Ben Affleck was because Michael Bay said so. The reason things got so bananas in the drilling on the asteroid was because again Michael Bay said so. The reason we needed guns on those Armadillo driving things was because AGAIN Michael Bay said so. But with my gripes about this movie does it make me hate the movie? No! Because while we know how bad Bay got after this movie, to me this was Bay at his best because he was more tempered in how he handled things in movies. I’m not gonna lie and say everything about this movie wasn’t schlocky but he put something he didn’t in terms of The Transformers movies or any movie he made after this one which was effort in everything he did. If he had put the same effort in the Transformers movies and better casting choices yeah I’m talking about both Shia LaBeouf & Megan Fox his newer movies wouldn’t be as hated by everyone. So for this one time I give Michael Bay his due. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and now I have to watch a movie I never thought I would. Pray for me people. Pray for me!