(OPEN TO JAMES FARACI, THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS, FLIPPING THROUGH TV CHANNELS)
TLOTA: Well the good news is at least the Disney Channel doesn’t air that annoying Shia LaBeouf anymore. The bad news is, they air nothing but their god awful current tween garbage and my twin nieces are watching this and soon enough their little sister! You’d think they could put in some time to air some of their old stuff! You know, back when Walt was alive and everything they produced was good! I’d bet if they showed a classic now and then they’d really see the ratings take a huge jump up.(The Rowdy Reviewer pops in out of nowhere via Jeannie blink)
ROWDY: I’ll take that bet!
TLOTA: GHAA! (Jumps out his chair to smash through stuff eventually landing in an all-white background) What the…? (Turns around and comes to a realization) It’s my intro but why isn’t it starting? Oh now I know, I haven’t hit the play button to start it. (James walks off camera and hits the play button.)
(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play Speedy shot of James Faraci breaking through the American Flag, working out, fighting bad cinema, bad pop culture anything bad in the world with a picture of the White House appears in the background as Jack Swagger, Zeb Coulter and President Obama appear in the foreground as all three fall as James Faraci stands alone and tall and in Army text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side)
TLOTA: Don’t you ever warn people before you do that?
ROWDY: I’m sorry for barging in like this but I need to set you straight.
TLOTA: On What?
ROWDY: Don’t tell me someone like you has just bought into the belief that EVERYTHING Disney made in the past was great! How much stuff did they do with that whole “true love conquers all” crap? Isn’t that what you dislike the most?
TLOTA: Sometimes I can be a bit of a hopeless romantic and the rest of the times well…You have to ask?
ROWDY: Then wouldn’t it be great to tear one of those a new one?
TLOTA: I guess?
ROWDY: Then cue the opener!