According to Jessice: What the f*ck happened to Nickelodeon?

A new year comes a new blog style. Hey everyone, it’s Jessica, and I decided last month that I would re-do the ‘According to Jessica’ blog. Yes, I know I don’t post frequently, but this month is the beginning of a new era. So, with that said, let me first ask a rhetorical question.
What the fuck happened to Nickelodeon?

Yes, that answer is obvious. But, for the sake of argument, lets say I don’t and find out why. But first, my usual disclaimer.

Disclaimer: The following statements are my own opinion.
Please respect that!

The subject of why Nickelodeon is a vat of nuclear waste in 2015 is very simple. Lack of talent, or very annoying ideas. But, that only scratches the surface of an otherwise interesting subject. And now, like I said in the beginning of this post, that a new blog style is in effect. Basically, I will no longer hold any punches, and actually go into a detailed reason why I personally believe something works or fails. So, with that said, lets get this shit started.

The first problem with modern Nickelodeon is a sense of misunderstood moralities. Yes, I do know that a television program isn’t always supposed to mirror reality unless you’re aiming for that (Adam-12 is a prime example that is supposed to aim for that). But, what does not make sense in my mind is how nine times out of ten, the children get away scott-free with just about anything they do. I know some children get away with things, but most of what I have seen in the past month of watching Nickelodeon leaves me completely confused. I thought that when kids did something bad and were caught they got punished. Or that their conscious would catch up to them, and make them feel guilty for what they have done. But, from what I have seen in the past month, does not scream “morals are here to help you”. What I basically see are kids doing whatever they want, and don’t get any repercussions for what they do. Yes, it’s nitpicky to some, but it doesn’t completely work as a way to teach kids right from wrong.

Next, the ‘Teenage Girl’ syndrome. Yes, Disney Channel is guilty of this too, but not to the extremes that they were a few years back. Yes, I am aware that teenage girls go through different feelings because I was once one. But, the problem is, virtually every live-action sitcom on Nickelodeon is a teen girl sitcom. Yes, the idea is nice. But, does every live-action sitcom need to be about teenagers. In my opinion, it does not. The main problem is often times, the teenagers are depicted as whiny brats who get upset over the slightest thing. Now yes, I do get upset, but not to this degree. It’s not only annoying, but it’s also disturbing and not accurate for the average teenage girl. If you want to do an average teenage girl right, look at ‘Girl Meets World’ on Disney Channel. But, in all seriousness, the teenage girl sitcoms need to be confined to just one or two. Not anywhere like five or six, that’s just unhealthy.

Third, we shift away from live-action for a bit to discuss the animated programs, also known as Nicktoons. Yes, I do understand that cartoons generally do not have logic. And I’m not in disagreement with that statement. However, the Nicktoons do have a few major problems. One of them using over the top toilet humor, and bodily functions. Yes, I don’t hate these jokes. But, when that’s predominantly your main source of comedy, it doesn’t work, and kind of comes off contrived as all get out. Another issue is mean spirited comedy. The mean spirited humor is mostly found in modern SpongeBob, but it’s apparent in the other Nicktoons as well. Now yes, mean spirited humor can work. But, not when it’s abused or used on a character that didn’t deserve it or when the people did it too, it makes them look like hypocrites. (See MrEnter’s review of Little Yellow Book from SpongeBob to see what I mean.) Yes, the jokes are also equally unfunny. Either they want to aim so high that the joke is over someone’s head, or the joke is so below par, that it makes you scratch your head and wonder how such a joke can be accepted by society.

Returning to the live-action, we come to our next problem. The severe lack of variety. Yes, I know Nickelodeon is a family network and something like porn is out of the question. But, I can’t seem to understand why there aren’t any game shows on the network anymore. I do know that game shows are virtually unscripted and involve viewer input, but is a game show so expensive that it isn’t needed. Maybe to some yes, but to me, not really. If you get the big companies like Schwinn to help support the show, and help pay for the bills to run the program, then it’s really not a major issue. But, I guess Nickelodeon only wants to pander the shows to teenage girls or to those who do not understand good comedy.

Now, before I consider this blog a closed, I am going to something I have been tinkering with in my mind. And that is, my final thoughts, and how I believe Nickelodeon can improve itself before 2020.

Eliminate some of the teenage girl sitcoms. Yes, by doing this, you can free up the timetable for some new shows such as a game show, or even a sitcom aimed for boys.
Change the humor seen in Nicktoons. Reduce the amount of toilet humor, body function jokes, and the mean spirited jokes and add jokes that will make you laugh, and not just annoy the more mature viewer.
Add a game show or two to the line-up, and do not limit it to just the stars who can compete. Actually hold auditions in major cities so everyone can enter and try to win an appearance on the show where they or them and their family can win cash and prizes with a maximum amount of $7K being allowed.
Allow some contests where the winner can do use a code and win something like a new bicycle or a trip on Nickelodeon’s dime.

And now, my final thoughts on Nickelodeon.

I do believe Nickelodeon has seen better days, and with someone at the reigns who actually understands family programming and diversity could lead the network, and hopefully reverse the current Nickelodeon downfall.

Nothing more to be said here except, good luck Nickelodeon and godspeed.

This has been to According to Jessica, have a good day.

Catch more of “According to Jessica” HERE!

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2 Responses to According to Jessice: What the f*ck happened to Nickelodeon?

  1. Bren Tenkage says:

    Know what I’d like….a revival of Legends of the Hidden Temple, that was a good game show Nick had

  2. R.A. says:

    Greetings Jessica, to add for the “game show” thing they did a revival of “Figure It Out hosted by Jeff Stuphen in 2012 and Webheads hosted by Carlos PenaVega in 2014 as you know of course both series didn’t last that long on the network for kids.

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